Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
