Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
