I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
