I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
