Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
