he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
