I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
