***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
