Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
