how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
