Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
