I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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