take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
