we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
