We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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