You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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