I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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