Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
