Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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