He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
