Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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