I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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