i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
