Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
