take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
