I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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