do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
