CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
