He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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