she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
