I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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