I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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