and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
