It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
