happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
