I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
