please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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