She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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