dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
