On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Alive.
So much puke
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
