smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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