he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
