ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
