So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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