I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I currently don't understand fingers.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
