Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
