Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
