you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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