Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
