R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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