Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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