So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
