So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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